MY SOUL ASYLUM

"confessions"

Di ko ganahan mag drama but i just simply want to share my sentiments and just let it out through this outlet. hehehe.. Di ko ka explain sa ubang mga butang ug panghitabo sa akong kinabuhi sa mga ni-agi nga buwan. (hehehe... am trying to write things in Bisaya... i just couldnt write it all in Bisaya). Overwhelming lang kaayo ang tanan!

It's nothing important or serious... minor lang gyud ni (trust me) but I just cant explain it further.

" I am falling for someone... it started with a dream. I guess some of you have read it on how things started. I ignored it because I know I SHOULDNT FALL. Not yet. I am enjoying the season.. but sometimes I get so impatient with it, that I wrestle with God na for me to get a clear answer to each of my questions. I cannot read this person's mind and heart... it's only God who knows what is in his heart and who is in his heart.. I want to know it but God is telling me to wait and be patient. I told God na I would want to be pursued by this specific guy and not by anyone else (lain man hinuon ang muduol..heheh..worse, unbelievers pa gyud). I hate to admit this but God has been telling me to let go of my impatience.. It wouldnt do me any good. hmmmm... *sigh*   

Well... the good thing though is that He gave me the security and the assurance that 'I will receive whatever request I have, because I obey Him and do the things that please Him',(1 John 3:22). And got this word too--> "But these things I plan wont happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. (Habakkuk 2:3).....Ug sa dihang nahilum ko cos I know that God is right... I am at peace now with what He just reminded me of.  Na ulaw sad ko kadiyot..hehehe.. God will never change, He will remain faithful forever and He will fulfill all the promises that He has for me at the right time & right season... and lastly, it is true that Everything will be beautiful in His time."    

"something for you..."

"let me share this to you.. it's written by Dr. Jack Graham.. hope you will be blessed by this as you read on..."

"How Jesus Meets the Deepest Longings of Your Heart "

More than likely, you've heard the story out of the New Testament of the chief tax collector, a man named Zacchaeus. As I have read his story over and over, I have come to realize that Zacchaeus' story is everyone's story-including yours and mine.

As you read his story, you come to realize that Zacchaeus illustrates the four basic weaknesses and needs of every human heart: the feeling of emptiness, the feeling of loneliness, the weight of guilt, and the fear of death.

There really are some great life-lessons you and I can learn as we look at this man. Let's pick up his story in Luke 19:1-9:

Then Jesus entered and passed through Jericho. Now behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus who was a chief tax collector, and he was rich. And he sought to see who Jesus was, but could not because of the crowd, for he was of short stature. So he ran ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see Him, for He was going to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, He looked up and saw him, and said to him, "Zacchaeus, make haste and come down, for today I must stay at your house." So he made haste and came down, and received Him joyfully. But when they saw it, they all complained, saying, "He has gone to be a guest with a man who is a sinner." Then Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold." And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because he also is a son of Abraham; for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."

Zacchaeus was a wealthy man in his day, but he was empty inside. His story is a great reminder that it doesn't matter how well off you are financially or physically, there is a need deep within every human heart to be filled with something that will last...something that will fill that emptiness we feel in souls.

Friend, you and I were made to know God, to love God, to experience grace, and to know true, saving faith in Him.

It doesn't matter how much money you have...how much status you achieve...or how many things you have. You need God because you were made to know Him...just like Zacchaeus was.

But Zacchaeus had another problem. He was lonely. He was a Jew working for the Romans to collect taxes, one of the most hated professions of that day. He was skimming off the top, swindling and scandalizing his friends. Zacchaeus was a man who seemingly had no conscience-and no friends. He was an outcast of society! As a result, he was a very lonely man...just like so many people today. We were made to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, so we naturally feel lonely without Him. And this is how Zacchaeus felt. Along with that loneliness, Zacchaeus carried around a huge weight of guilt...a feeling everyone experiences.

Some people try to numb the pain of guilt with excessive alcohol consumption, illicit drug use, or unhealthy relationships. But no matter how you try to hide it...no matter how far you may try to run, you will never be able to dissolve that sense of guilt apart from a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Finally, just like anyone who doesn't have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, Zacchaeus was afraid to die. And while most people don't admit this fact, it's true.

Even though many considered Zacchaeus a waste case, Jesus knew that he was empty and lonely...Jesus knew that he felt guilty...and Jesus knew that he was afraid to die. And that's why Jesus stopped!

I don't know where you may be in life today, my friend. Maybe you can relate to one or more of Zacchaeus' weaknesses. Whatever your station may be today...good, bad, rich or poor...I hope you have come to realize all that God is offering you through Jesus Christ...the Friend of the wounded heart.

Because through Jesus you can indeed know fullness for your emptiness, forgiveness for your guilt, and intimacy with God for your loneliness. And through Him you have the ultimate victory, the victory over death.

"who is this mystery guy?"

I know a lot of you have read my blog entries and would really want to get the name of this "mystery guy" that I've been talking about for a month and a half now. Some of you probably have someone in mind but just waiting for my confirmation that who you have in mind is the right one. Others are clueless and others just dont care at all. Sometimes, with my freaking honesty when having private converations with a friend, I can just tell her everything especially when the excitement within me overflows. I know I have shared it to some of you but please keep it to yourselves, I trust you. (hehehe). 

I dont think this is the right time for me to tell everyone of the real identity of this man. I dont even know if there will be a time for that since I dont know yet if he is really the one for me. With all the surprises and the weird stuff that I have experienced with this guy since September, it somehow gives me the excitement and the hope that my desire to be with a godly man who will truly love me will soon be fulfilled, (not necessarily him).

I've realized that liking someone after dreaming of him is some kind of a weird thing. Hmmmm... I never experienced this before, even the joy and the smile that I have whenever Im reminded of him or whenever I see him is weird for me. I couldnt explain it man gud! I'm sure I dont want to dwell on this but I can't stop it from happening (the surprises and everything!). I know my friends always hear it from me that I really want to get married na so soon, but the truth is that,  "I can wait".  Yes, I can wait pud oi, Im not in a hurry. Im just too excited for it lang. I feel it coming (duh! hehehe..).    I never expected that things will turn out to something as joyful and exciting as this now.. you know what I've been through. It was hopeless and so painful (I'm so glad God redeemed me from that). The "mourning" has turned into "morning" (sunrise)? hehehe.. err.. "my mourning has turned into dancing!"

One thing is that I still think that there's more work to be done. I have this "hunger" for God within me everyday that I cannot explain. I still want more of HIM and still want to have a deeper and closer relationship with HIM. Until I will become that woman who's super sold out to God, then I think that will be the right time for me to be with that man (whoever it is that God wants me to have).

Below are the links of the entries or the documentations that I had when it all started. God has surprised me a lot since that day when I dreamed of this guy. And I will continue to post more of His surprises. I really cannot tell what His reasons were of letting me experienced all of those surprises. Im not saying nor confirming that this "guy-in-my-dream" is the one for me, I really dont know yet. But I trust God's plans for me.

And I'll say this again, "I will wait". 

So who is he?

........let's just wait. If he'll propose, then you will know it from him. If not, then it's just okay  (life goes on..hehehe..), I will still be thankful for  that dream, for all the surprises and weird stuff that I had. I'm sure God has greater plans for me. I can wait.

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/100/Dreamed_of_him

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/103/Be_still_Jen...

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/105/I_will_wait...

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/106/waiting_for_you...

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/112/Finding_Love_Again...

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/116/Is_it_him_Lord

http://jenainee.multiply.com/journal/item/120/sweetest_surprises_from_my_sweetest_lover

http://jenainee.multiply.com/photos/album/131/why_am_i_posting_this

"sweetest surprises from my sweetest lover"

I still cant get over it! I just experienced one of the sweetest surprises He has planned for me. It was all unexpected. He's amazing! He really knows me well, no questions about that. He knows that I love to be surprised and he knows exactly what to do with me when it comes to surprises. He's the sweetest lover that I've ever known.

It happened last night. It started with a conversation with him when I had to look for a store to buy something really important. I left "Des" (my friend) in Kaffe Rafael where we had our dinner. So I went to some store near CDC to find what I was looking for. I was alone and I then started talking to him. I told him how my heart was struggling on how I would reach out to this 22-year-old girl  whos' totally lost and deceived by men.  I told him I just couldnt do it without him so he gotta help me with it. Also, I talked to him about what I wanted to happen on that night but it seemed impossible.  I wanted something else on that night and not just minister to this woman (I repented for my selfishness na! hehe..). Well I couldnt explain it but to be honest, I yearned to see, (just see) & probably say hi to that guy who appeared in my dream last Sept 24, 2007. (that simple lang) But then again I thought it was impossible. So  I then made it clear to him and told him this:

"Okay Lord, you know that I dont want to be with this girl cos I want to see that guy who was in my dream last September. You know the desires of my heart. You know who's in my heart. But you told me last week and everyday of my life to just let it go and let you work it out for me and that man. So I will then continue on what I have promised to you. I will not do anything that you consider as "first moves", I will not text him unless it's important, I will be careful with my actions and words when I'll see him again. I will wait lang gyud Lord.  And since I love you more than anything else and anyone else, I will do what you want me to do.. so help me on how I could be a blessing to "Des", she needs you. I will give up what I want and do what you want. It's a deal now."  (this was how I said it to him). After I had clearly told God of this, I got his peace again on having my desires to be fulfilled in his timing. He even assured me that He will make things even more beautiful than what I'm expecting. And so I moved on.

After a few minutes, when I've already bought what  I needed, I decided to go back to where I left Des for dinner. On my way to Kaffe Rafael (not sure how it should be spelled), after I've told God everything that was in my heart...... "Suddenly....I saw him.... " I saw that guy in my dream.... Amazing ka God! I knew it was him even if the streets were kind of dark..yes, it was him. I just smiled... I had the biggest smile ever and unconsciously I said "I love you Lord!" aloud (good thing no one was around,they might think im crazy!).  I couldnt believe you Lord.. sungogan man sad diay ka! hehehe..

Such a sweet surprise from my sweet Lord!

Moving forward, the night was a great night. I had a great talk with Des, listened to how broken she is. I was able to share to her my brokeness in my past. I shared to her who I was before and who I am right now, How God changed my heart & my life and how it will be possible for her too. It was a quick dinner, how I wished we had more time but she had to go. I am looking forward to have more time with her again.

After that, I spent time with some friends from the church in Starbucks and I really, really enjoyed it soooo much! It was all laughter and smiles and everything...

....and then I had to go to work. (how I wished I could have stayed longer), can't do anything about it though. I promised God I will be an excellent worker in that company. hehehe..

Overjoyed...overwhelmed... overly-surprised (sakto ba?)... whatelse? well... what can I say?  The lover of my soul is just soooo soooo sWeEt that he cant help it but give me sweet surprises everyday!

("I Love You Lord!")